I wanted to share a sample of my forthcoming book today. I hope you’ll find these tips helpful. If you want to see each and every one of them being lived out faithfully, please take a trip to Austin. They are followed to the letter here.
Ten things to keep in mind when you are behind the wheel:
1. Merging is for losers. If a nearby vehicle wants to change lanes, do everything you can to prevent them from doing so. They have a perfectly good lane. Why do they need to steal yours? And if their lane happens to be ending, make sure they merge behind you. Remember, it’s a race.
2. If you happen to notice a police officer with a laser gun, it is important to drive 10-15 miles below the speed limit for the next 30 miles or so. This is also a good policy for places where you have seen such an officer in the past.
3. If you come to a round about or four way stop, keep in mind that it is always your turn. You have places to be.
4. Drive five miles under the speed limit in the fast lane. It is a great way to help your fellow drivers learn a little patience. Where do need to be in such a hurry anyway?
5. If you need to make or receive a call on your cell phone, please slow down dramatically and use your hands to talk. Remember, life is about relationships. Your fellow drivers will be glad you have your priorities straight.
6. Cyclists should keep in mind that they are allowed anywhere a motorized vehicle can be. Go crazy! Mopac or 35 at 5 o’clock? Go for it! Winding country road with no shoulder at dusk? You betcha!
7. If another driver is proceeding more slowly than you wish, tailgating is a helpful strategy. It really helps those slowpokes realize they need to get the lead out.
8. If you accidentally pull out in front of someone or cut them off in a lane change, under no circumstances should you wave, mouth ‘sorry,’ or otherwise acknowledge your mistake. The best policy is to pretend not to notice the other vehicle at all. This helps to keep the peace on the road.
9. In case of inclement weather, you have two viable options: (1) drive really really fast or (2) drive 40% of your normal speed. Under no circumstances should you proceed at the posted speed.
10. If you do need to change lanes, please do not signal. Your fellow drivers can easily predict your intentions and will happily accommodate you. As long as you merge behind their vehicle.
This post is dedicated to the woman in the yellow shirt who pulled out in the turn lane approximately 2 inches from my car. Bonnie and I will never forget you.
[Disclaimer: I am writing a book but it is not about driving etiquette. But wouldn’t it be great if I were?]